Three years ago on Bell Let’s Talk Day, I shared an invaluable lesson my therapist taught me that helped me begin the journey to coping with my mental illness. Today, I want to share another important tool I’ve found on my journey to better mental health.

In December, I had three emotional meltdowns in the span of a few weeks. These breakdowns did come during a very high-stress period as I was in the middle of building a brand while juggling my existing business, but I knew these meltdowns weren’t just stress-induced.

After nearly a decade and a half of living with depression and anxiety, I knew an episode when I felt one, and this was a big one. And I was tired.

Tired of struggling to get out of bed. Tired of falling down the anxiety rabbit hole and losing hours to entirely improbably fears. Tired of being totally okay one moment and suddenly, and often without warning, imploding into a sobbing mess. Tired of accepting this as a normal and inevitable part of my life.

I was just so goddamn tired.

For years, I had tried to treat my mental health naturally. I had a regular therapist, and I tried to sleep well, eat healthily, and exercise regularly. The thing is that all of that requires mental effort, mental effort that feels almost impossible when your mind is at war with itself. I had been fighting for so long, and I was losing.

So, in December, as I sat crying on my yoga mat for reasons I can’t even begin to explain to you, I knew that I didn’t want to fight alone anymore. I called my family doctor and made an appointment.

“What’s the reason for your visit?” the receptionist asked.

“I need an anti-depressant,” I blurted out before I lost the courage.

I needed that courage because I was scared. I had done the thing doctors tell you not to do—I had Googled anti-depressants. And let me tell you, they’re not good for everyone. I read horror stories about side effects ranging from complete loss of libido to suicidal ideation.

That, paired with a Caribbean upbringing that hardly acknowledged mental health issues and generally feared pharmaceuticals had led me to a resounding “No thanks!” any times anti-depressants were even mentioned.

I was scared that instead of making me better, medication would make me worse. I was afraid I’d become a shell of my former self, emotionally and mentally dull and incapable of managing my difficult emotions on my own.

But I was more tired than I was scared, and I took my first pill on December 12.

Everything changed.

Slowly at first. So slowly that I thought maybe I was imagining it. But it’s impossible to deny it now, the way this medication has improved my life. My mind feels clear. I have energy to spring out of bed in the morning. I actually want to go to the gym. When something upsets me, I don’t immediately fall into tears. I’m less jumpy and skittish, and, most surprisingly, I’m no longer afraid of the dark.

I hadn’t realized how much of what I thought was “just who I am” was really my illness. I feel like I’m meeting a new person, a version of me who isn’t always on the edge of despair or panic. And I like this version of me a lot.

I know that medication isn’t for everyone. I also know that I’m not the typical case with anti-depressants. My side effects were mild and short-lived and my doses started working faster than a lot of people’s. So, I don’t write this to tell anyone they should start taking medication.

I write this for anyone contemplating treating their mental illness with psychiatric drugs. Because, like my doctor pointed out, people hardly rush to the internet to declare just how well their medication is working. They usually end up on the forums when thing are going poorly. But the success stories matter too.

The reason I even considered anti-depressants this time around is because a close friend was open about her positive experience. She answered my questions and addressed my concerns, and when I reached out to her on my roughest days, she gently reminded me that anti-depressants were an option I could consider if I ever felt ready. Seeing how medication had supported her mental health gave me the courage to try it myself.

Perhaps if I had found more positive feedback like the story I got from my friend instead of all the negative accounts I’d found, I might have started this life-changing medication sooner.

So, if you’ve been looking for anti-depressant success stories, here’s a quick breakdown of mine.

Prescription and dose: Cipralex, 10 mg taken orally once daily

Time on medication: 7 weeks

Side effects: intense nausea and headaches for the first week that were made manageable with Tylenol, Gravol, and ginger ale. (The Caribbean woman in me insists this last treatment is essential no matter what the studies say.) No ongoing side effects have presented since then.

Time until psychological change: 2 weeks

Notable improvements:

• Increased energy

• Reduced anxiety

• Greater clarity and control of thought

• Improved emotional regulation

• Improved task focus

• Increased sense of self-worth and confidence

My advice to those contemplating starting an anti-depressant:

• Remember that these drugs work differently for different bodies. Your experience may be similar to mine or vastly different. Your doctor may recommend a different medication, dosage, or treatment method entirely. Your health is personal and your healthcare will be specific to you.

• Ask your doctor lots of questions, even the embarrassing ones. I drilled my doctor about how this medication would impact my libido. My face was red hot the entire time, but it was worth it to get the info I needed.

• Use the resources at your disposal. If you have questions your doctor didn’t answer, pharmacists at your local pharmacy can also provide you with information and there are lots of reputable resources online you can review as well.

• If you start your medication, continue your other self-care practices. The medication is like a jump start but it isn’t a cure all. Keeping up healthy behaviours like eating and sleeping consistently, staying active, and maintaining therapy when you can is usually recommended to help you get the best possible mental health.

• Do what feels right for you. This is the second time I’ve been prescribed Cipralex. I got my first prescription 3 years ago after I was diagnosed. I folded it up, tucked it away, and chose not to fill it, even as my insurance company breathed down my neck. I refused to take something I didn’t feel ready for or comfortable with. When I decided I was ready, I took my first pill within 24 hours of making that choice. In hindsight, I might have made a different choice if I know what I know now, but at the time, I chose what felt safe and healthy for me. It’s your body and your health. You get to choose.

Got questions I didn’t answer? Want to share your experiences, good or bad, with medication? Drop a comment below!