It's Not For Them: Why Your White Friend Shouldn't be Saying Nigga

Trigger warning: profanity

I honestly expected the most ignorant thing to come out of Instagram’s new video feature to be twerk videos and 15 second sex tapes. Silly me. I give this generation too much credit. Yesterday, as I was scrolling down my timeline, I came across a video captioned, “Give em permission to use nigga” with a screen shot of a white dude. Oh? Again, because I like to hope for the best, I clicked on the video with my fingers crossed that I wouldn’t hear this white guy casually drop the “n-word” for the amusement of his black friends. I’m such a silly optimist. Of course the white dude said nigga, and of course his black friend laughed uproariously. I sat there trying to figure out why the hell it was so amusing. I’m still at a loss. What I’m not confused about, are my feelings toward the word: I don’t like it.

Now, that’s not to say that I catch an apoplectic fit every time a Black person refers to their friend as “my nigga.” I don’t get into a huff when Jay Z raps about niggas in Paris. I understand that Black folks have found a way to appropriate a word that was invented by white slave masters and used for centuries to make our inferiority clear. Black people who refer to themselves as niggas have chosen to change the definition of the word so that, when exchanged between certain melanin-rich folks, it doesn’t suggest derision, dirtiness or disgust. Out of the mouths of Blacks, “nigga” has become a stand-in for “person.” Do I agree with this adjustment? Not at all. While language is constantly evolving, I believe in the power and potency of certain words and nigga is one of those words that always tastes bitter in my mouth. If I ever say it, I spit it out, with contempt and disapproval and when it is used to address me, no matter who the speaker, it leaves me feeling burned. But I choose not to let it get under my skin, not only because I doubt it will ever go out of our vernacular as Black people, but because as a people, we have larger racial issues to detangle.

What I do not, and will not ever agree with, is giving “permission” to your non-Black friends to drop the word in daily conversation. Ok, so you’re really cool with your white friends and you have no issues with them calling you a nigga, but when you granted them permission to let that one fly, did you make sure to tell them that that green light does not apply with every Black person they’re friends with? That’s just the first of many problems that comes with making it “OK” for non-Black folks to say nigga. You may be cool, but another Black person may feel the urge to rearrange a white guy’s features if he hears the word “nigga” come out of his mouth, even if you gave them permission to. Some black folks have not forgotten the original meaning of the word, and when it drops off a white person’s lips, in any context, it awakens a long-standing rage in them.

“I am nobody’s nigga.” No, not anymore. Lest we forget, less than 60 years ago, our grandparents and their counterparts were still being hung from trees with cries of “Kill the nigger!” ringing in their ears. With that in mind, how am I supposed to be ok with (even the most accepting) white people calling me a nigga, or even wanting permission to use the word? (And if your white friends want to know why they can’t say nigga, I suggest you ask them why they’re so keen on using that word, and keep asking why until you get an answer that isn’t convoluted bullshit.) The Black population’s adoption of the word “nigga” and its new definition do not change what it meant when it was first used to address a Black slave. Words have power. We’ve only just taken the power of that word out of the hands of racist whites, just starting to wrap our tongue and teeth and lips around it, and already, we’re laughingly handing that power back. (And you must question, if it still has the power to raise anger when they use the word, is the power really ours?). I’m more than a little confused.

Will it still be funny if, in the heat of an argument, you’re white friend yells, “Fuck you, nigga!” Whether it’s at you, or another Black person,you gave them permission to say it. Did you outline the contexts, or did you forget that the word exists outside your monkeying around? Consider the fact that Black folks are the only ones that ever get away with using “nigga” in an angry context. If anybody else calls a Black man a nigga out of anger, it’s offensive. Why—because out of the mouth of anyone but another Black person, even if it isn't laced with anger, it’s an offensive term. Ask Paula Deen, the Butter Queen about that. That’s the risk you run though, when you give your white friends permission to call you nigga. Better think about that. 

As always, please leave your thoughts and feelings in the comments section.